


Six stupid little words

by SallyK



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, References to Lionheart, a little bit of fluff and a little bit of angst, izumi is pinning like a fool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-06 19:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17351531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SallyK/pseuds/SallyK
Summary: Graduation draws near, and there's something Izumi hasn't asked Leo yet.





	Six stupid little words

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone!
> 
> I got to participate in Graduation!, an Enstars 3rd years fanzine, and of course I had to write about Izumi and Leo. You can download the whole zine at https://gumroad.com/l/enstars3rdyears
> 
> I hope you like it~~!

### I.

Spring is almost here, whispering her name against soon-to-be blossoms and still dormant vegetation. Humming the promise of new lives, new beginnings. It does not feel all that cheerful to Izumi, though, with graduation circling over them like a wake of vultures.

He is being realistic; there’s nothing he can do to freeze time and treasure it as a pretty picture, everything staying the same for all eternity. He has to say his goodbyes to Yumenosaki and everything it means, and face the real world, with other problems and other responsibilities. With other people.

He is being realistic, but the bittersweet aftertaste each time he realizes his last performance with Knights is so close he can graze it is something unavoidable too.

His last performance with Leo.

He supposes once Leo graduates and leaves his life as an idol behind him, he will still keep writing music. Probably he could survive for awhile on just the royalties of the songs he has already composed and the awards he has won—even when he looks almost offended by all the money he gets from his work, because he is not doing it for a financial reason—, but in any case Izumi is glad Leo will have something to occupy his thoughts with. He is painfully aware of what can happen when you give your mind too much time to ramble and too little things to do.

So now that their days together as senior students in the academy are but the remaining drops inside an upside-down bottle, he finds himself making excuses to be with Leo as much as possible. He _softens_ when suddenly Leo decides to hug him, instead of shaking him off as usual—but not too much, because Arashi has noticed already, and she smirks every single time, much to Izumi’s annoyance.

He feels like there’s still a chapter of their story to be told, but he does not know how to start it, or even if he should try to start it.

One could expect that, after all the time they have been together, and even if Izumi tries to hide his feelings, he has told Leo everything that needs saying.

He has not.

There are a few words left. Just six stupid little words.

_“What exactly am I  to you?”_

Sometimes they get stuck in his throat, like caught on a spider’s web. Sometimes they don’t even reach his throat, and they just pile up at the bottom of his heart, dozens and dozens of unspoken iterations of those six stupid words, filling up his chest and spreading through his lungs, as if they were afflicted with that stupid fictional illness that makes you cough up flowers.

(During darker times, in the past, when his thoughts were the most erratic, and he felt all the negative emotions boiling inside of him, he reached the point of thinking that having flowers in his lungs would hurt less than those six words.)

Izumi is far from being an idiot. He _knows_ he is important to Leo. They both would not be together in Knights if it was not true. Probably Knights would not exist in the first place, not as it is now.

But it is difficult to measure things when Leo is involved. The guy is a (too much) effusive person, hugging and touching and saying “I love yous” for the stupidest of reasons. Leo has called Izumi “beautiful” and he has called him “meanie” and “poophead” and many other things you would not usually hear from someone more than twelve years old.

Leo is as complex as the melodies he masterly crafts, like a god, from nothing. Besides the songs for Knights, and the songs for the groups that came before, Izumi has listened to some of his other tunes. On the radio, on advertisement. Leo’s music makes him feel a myriad of emotions, only surpassed by the the amount of emotions Leo himself has made him feel.

Not all of these emotions are good.

Some of them are _really_ bad.

The six stupid little words weight in Izumi’s heart nevertheless.

They do not hurt anymore, they are just annoying, and Izumi wants them gone.

But there is nowhere else he can put them, except out loud, and he is not ready for that.

### II.

Izumi does not know exactly what they are doing at the beach.

He knows _why_ ; Leo asked him if they could somewhere together and _of course_ he had ended up saying yes.

(More like a “Whatever”, but the end result is the same.)

They are almost alone; people surely prefer other places when the sun does not warm enough and a not-totally-pleasant wind is blowing. It is too soon to swim, and the water is still chilly, peppering their toes with cold kisses while they walk on the sand.

No one is talking, there’s only the sound of the waves, the scattered cries of some seagulls and Leo’s soft humming, which has changed its rhythm so many times Izumi is pretty sure his friend must be composing several tunes at a time. Leo would probably be capable of that.

These moments of tranquillity are rare, so rare, that seeing Leo being silent for this long has come to mean something bad is happening. He looks happy, genuinely happy, and Izumi tries not to think in the last time he walked near this beach, headphones in his ears and a burning pain in his chest.

He tries not to think, but he cannot do anything but remember.

Graduation is waving at him, and he already is half living on memories, after all.

So he remembers going at the Tsukinaga’s home for that damned signature. The empty eyes, the unkept hair. Ruka’s plea, her beautiful eyes clouded by sadness and fear. His own fear, and sorrow, and anger and many other things he could not distinguish, at seeing what had become of Leo.

He remembers and wonders what would have happened if he had just left the documents to be signed there and do nothing else. What would have happened if he had not told Leo anything. He wonders if Leo would have ended up in the same hospital he went when his arm was broken. If he would have ended up in any hospital at all.

He wonders and wonders.

Izumi wants to believe he had something to do with Leo’s recuperation, but he is too afraid to ask, like he is too too afraid to said those six stupid little words.

### III.

They end up sitting on top of a low wall, facing the ocean, near the Tsukinaga’s household. Leo has taken out a notebook and is writing enthusiastically, muttering some “haha!s”s and “yes!s” from time to time.

“You’ve been annoyingly quiet today.” Izumi says once Leo finishes his work, an almost childish-like smile on his lips. “Have you made me go this far to see you compose? I can do that at Yumenosaki, no need to walk so much. Although I’m grateful you haven’t written on the wall.”

“Ha! I never thought I would see you complaining about me being silent.” Leo stretches out, yawning. “But these songs are important! Probably the most important ones I’ll ever write. I needed all my sources of inspiration.”

Leo does not have to explain himself any further. These songs are for their last performance. They are his swan song as leader of Knights. Izumi knows they will be perfect. Their group might have had a rocky start, stained by the war, but they will have an elegant and unforgettable goodbye before passing the mantle to his juniors. He also knows they will be fine by themselves.

Izumi looks up at the sky. The trail of a plane cuts the otherwise clean blue firmament in two like a sword.

“Are you going to keep writing songs for Knights?” he asks.

“Yeah! I’m sure they’ll be in good hands, but I’ll miss them. I’ll miss us. I might have been a useless leader most of the time, but you’re the best knights a king could wish for. It’s the least I can do.”

Izumi is still looking at the sky, so he does not notice Leo is moving until he feels him grabbing his hands. Leo’s touch is soft, almost reverent. His green eyes are practically sparkling, and Izumi feels the too familiar thud at his chest, the six words piling up.

“And you, Sena! You’re the shiniest of them all. Naru might be my Joan of Arc, but you’re my Lancelot.”

Izumi scoffs, darting his eyes away from Leo.

“Didn’t that guy have an affair with the queen? He doesn’t look very loyal.”

“Boo, Sena, you’re no fun!” Leo almost pouts, but he does not let go of Izumi’s hand. Izumi feels his skin getting warmer “What would your ideal of chivalry be, then?”

“I don’t know. I’ll settle for anybody that doesn’t sleep with other people’s wives. ”

Leo boos again and Izumi cannot help but smile. Oh, how he is going to miss this once graduation is over and they part ways. They could still see each other, but it won’t be the same.

“You too.” Leo’s voice is but a whisper, the breeze almost swallowing it up.

“Eh?”

“I’ll keep writing songs for you too, Sena. You don’t need to sing them if you don’t want to. But I’ll keep writing.”

Izumi practically hears an echo from the past; Leo’s pen frantically writing messy notes on stave after stave, sometimes so fast it sounds more like stabbing the paper. All the songs written from something he could only define as desperation, almost madness. A pang of guilt clutches his heart.

It is not easy being the muse of an artist whose work almost caused his destruction once.

“Whatever.” He shrugs the guilt off along with his shoulders. “Just don’t overdo yourself."

“Of course! Who do you think I am? I’m a genius, after all! I can compose for everyone.”

Izumi is going to answer when he feels something wet on his cheek.

Then it starts to rain.

### IV.

Izumi thinks it should be physically impossible for the sky to become cloudy so quickly, when it looked so radiant moment before, but it is not as if he can control the weather.

The rain might not be cold, but it is persistent. They are soaked through when they reach Leo’s house, even when they are close.

There is nobody home, but nevertheless Izumi feels anxious while he takes his shoes off. He has not been here since _that_ last time.

Besides him, Leo stops on his tracks for a moment, and Izumi is pretty sure he is also thinking about that.

However, they are too soaked to keep lingering on painful memories.

Leo’s room is messy, as expected, but a good kind of messy. This is the room of a creative mind, too busy with things beyond the real world, and not the place of a broken one.

(Although Izumi knows Leo is a little bit of both. It has become unusual these days, but it still happens from time to time, his green eyes clouded, his gaze lost in some place Izumi cannot quite reach.)

Leo gives him a towel before going through all his stuff to fetch something big enough to fit Izumi while his uniform dries a little. Izumi is not specially broad, but Leo’s complexion has always been more delicate, like a girl’s, although he is far from being frail. He is an idol and an archer, after all. One cannot pull that off if his body is not strong enough.

Izumi ends up with an oversized NASA hoodie and dark grey sweatpants that leave his ankles exposed. He is grateful to be out of his wet clothes, yes. He is also grateful nobody but Leo is going to see him in this slovenly outfit. He almost imagines Arashi’s gasp, fully aware she would even gasp harder if she saw him at Leo’s house, just the two of them, in the first place.

Izumi clears his throat.

“We should drink something hot. Do you have tea or something?”

They can risk any colds now, not when the final performance is so, _so_ close.

“Yeah! We have both coffee and tea. Come!”

### V.

It is always weird to step on somebody else’s kitchen.

It is even weirder to _use_ somebody else’s kitchen.

Of course Leo just showed him where the pots, teacups and ingredients were. As Izumi heats up the coffee pot, he wonders how he could have thought otherwise.

“Dependable as always, Sena.” Leo chimes behind him.

“Shut up. How shitty of a host makes you look like having your guest preparing him _and yourself_ something to drink?”

“I’m terrible, I know! But I don’t make good coffee. Or tea. I’m only good at making music, remember? And even sometimes my dear Ruka has to help me with the lyrics.”

Izumi makes sure the fire is not too strong and turns to Leo. He is wearing that distant smile, one that seems almost genuine if you don’t pay it attention. But Izumi is always paying attention, too much for his own good, even when sometimes he does not understand what he sees.

“What’s with this self-deprecation now? Don’t be annoying. We both know you’re good at other things too.”

 _Like disappearing and running away_ , but he catches the words before they can spill from his mouth. He feels guilty for even think about it, but he cannot help it. The ghost of Leo’s absence is heavier in this house, no matter Leo himself is there, just within an arm’s reach.

“Maybe. You trust me too much after everything that has happened.”

“Well, I obviously have a bad taste, because I’ve ended up surrounded by weirdos. But I decided to follow you then.”

_And I’ll keep following you forever._

Leo moves closer, just a breath away. The smile from before has turned into a real one.

Izumi realizes too late he has said that last bit aloud.

The coffee pot whistles, and he thanks the heavens.

### VI.

Two empty cups of coffee and a little bit of mindless banter later, they end up seated on the sofa, too close to be decent. None of them seems to have any problem about that. They do not say anything at all. They just seem to be waiting.

There is something in the air, and it is not the ugly memories from the past.

It begins slowly. In tiny movements, like the drop that fell on Izumi’s cheek before the rain started.

They intertwine their fingers; Leo’s still slightly stained with black ink from his songs.

They move closer, if that is even possible.

They look at each other.

Izumi recognizes himself in Leo’s eyes. He recognizes the same yearn, the same want. The same feeling that goes with his unsaid six words.

The next thing he knows, they are kissing.

One kiss follows another, and another, and another, just like raindrops, but it has nothing to do with the rain. This is a storm. Ferocious, heavy.

Overwhelming. 

Izumi almost forgets how to breathe. 

 “Leo...” He manages to say with a tiny voice.

The name still leaves a funny taste in his mouth, after all the time he has called him “king”, but he knows he will get used to it again. It is just a matter of practice.

So he practices between kisses, whispering it against Leo’s lips, Leo’s throat, Leo’s hands, sometimes so softly he does not even hear it, just taste it.

“Sena, Sena, take it easy.”

Leo’s voice does not sound upset or scared, but it resonates like thunder in Izumi’s mind. He realizes, then, that he has been holding onto Leo as if he was a lifeline, a little too harshly. His skin has reddened a bit under his fingers.

“ _Shit._ Sorry, I--”  

He pulls away, biting his lower lip angrily. Must it always be like this? Has he learned nothing? Always hurting those he cares about, those he holds closer, like a hedgehog that cannot control its spikes.

He looks at Leo, expecting to find anger or fear. He is just smiling, and that makes Izumi feel worse.

“Don’t make that face, you didn’t hurt me. You just took me by surprise, but I understand.”

 _You understand what?_ Izumi wants to scream, because he does not even understand himself.

“Do you think I’m going to disappear again?” Leo moves closer to cup Izumi’s cheek with his right hand. “Don’t worry. You all made me stay, remember? And I can’t leave you again after all the things we’ve lived together this year. Nothing can take me from your side.”

Izumi moves his head just enough to leave a soft kiss inside Leo’s hand.

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

They both lean for a kiss, their lips almost touching again when suddenly Leo jerks away.

“Oh! Unless the aliens come for me! I can’t say them no. I’ll have to leave then.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

Izumi is not even angry. He cannot say he is surprised that Leo is perfectly capable of ruining the mood and this time he is more than grateful for the silliness, because the weight in his chest has lifted.

They kiss again, and again, and this time there is no storm, no desperation, no rush. Just two boys and a chapter that has finally started.

In the end, Izumi does not ask the six stupid little words. Probably he never will.

He does not need to know the answer.

He just holds Leo's hand and _feels_ it.


End file.
